I am in a place of utter astonishment. All of my life I have had what I would call a baseline or default way of experiencing the world. Regardless of how good or bad I felt, the basic underlying reality of my experience stayed the same. This reality was the confines of what I believed reality to actually be. Not once, even for a second (except intellectually), did I really feel in my core that this reality was anything other than what it was. Even on my very best days, the world as I experienced it was basically the same. All of that changed yesterday…dramatically.
I was doing a a warm water Vivation session with one of my classmates. During this session I felt this all-consuming , overwhelming feeling of suffocation as if it was the end of “me”. And indeed that is precisely what happened! I experienced a complete ego death as my body collapsed into itself from the overwhelming pressure of the experience. It was so intense I had no choice but to surrender to it. And boy am I glad I did! As the experience unfolded I could feel this overwhelming heaviness and suffocation give way to a lightness of being that is indescribable and beyond any words I could possible imagine. I was flooded with tears as wave after wave of heaviness and pressure gave way to greater and greater feelings of lightness and freedom. This went on for about 5 minutes until I could feel myself pop . I got out of the water and layed down besides the hot pool. The heaviness was still very intense, but it felt so good to totally let go into it, and this heaviness became no more. I slowly got up and felt so light that I could just fly right off the ground. Yet I was TOTALLY GROUNDED. I felt completely connected to my body, to the earth, and felt there was absolutely nothing in the whole wide world that could possibly knock me off or effect me in any way. I felt totally free of so much pain. I had no idea I even had the pain in the first place! The pain has been me with so long that I simply assumed it was fundamental to reality itself. How wrong I was!
I feel fantastic beyond anything I ever imagined possible. There are simply no words to describe how I feel right now.
After a long discussion with my teacher he said that what I experienced was a total healing of my birth trauma. This makes sense, because how I feel now I have never felt in this lifetime. The change is so absolute, that it feels not as if I have changed, but the world itself – I have been reborn into an entirely new one. This is so reassuring on every level, and gives me such great hope that we as humanity can cure all of our pain. We can heal ourselves and our world. And Vivation is the key – I am sure of it now.
My husband and two girls just flew back home this afternoon. So I am on my own for the next two weeks. This will be the longest I’ve been apart from my family, ever. It’s both exciting and a bit scary.
This weekend was really enjoyable for me and my family The weather here in Barcelona was perfect.. It was sunny and mild. We spent yesterday seeing the sights. The entire time I was Viving, doing what is called Vivation-in-Action. This is where you do Vivation while engaged in everyday activities. It was really fun and I noticed that the little things that can annoy me didn’t. My two kids said I was noticeably calmer than I usually am. On one occasion they noticed I was breathing “different”. “Oh mummy is just Viving!” We all got a laugh out of it, and we were quickly onto something else. Then I figured it out. My biggest fear of doing Vivation-in-Action is that people might notice me, or being weird in public, but those fears were quickly put to rest. First I was able to integrate whatever emotions I had around it, but more importantly if anything, I got the opposite reaction – people smiled at me more. I felt so good being at peace in my body, that everyone around me sort of resonated with that frequency. It felt fantastic. If per chance they noticed I was “breathing funny” they barely gave it a second thought because I was present and happy. Most of the time the breathing with Vivation is just relaxing, but there are moments of tension where I breath a bit faster and shallower. Most people don’t breath at all, so they end suppressing whatever is coming up. I stayed with it and it quickly integrated into pleasure. Vivation is way better! I’ll never go back to suppressing feelings when they come up, knowing how much better it feels to breath through them. Yes, this weekend was fabulous.
Wow! That’s all I can say. I feel better than I have felt in years. Earlier this evening we completed the Vivation Breathwork training by going to downtown Barcelona for the the entire day and into the evening. We did many types of fun activities, all the while doing Vivation. We did Vivation in the museum, we did Vivation at the cafe, and we did Vivation while all lying down in a public square. And I finally understood – you can do Vivation anywhere! The reason – Vivation is a very efficient process of emotional resolution. Feelings never became overwhelming because I could resolve them before they got overwhelming – it’s that simple. No matter what was happening around me I could continuously stay in my feeling-body and experience all the sensations the present moment. Vivation allows me to be totally in the now. And it’s so simple – just pay attention to the strongest feeling in your body.
I really enjoyed my Vivation sessions today and yesterday. Yesterday we did two water Vivation sessions – one in very warm water (about 39C) and one in the cooler pool (about 20C). The warm water session was very intense, but for the most part deeply pleasurable. Warm water was very activating for me at first, but I was able to surrender into the experience. I found if I just stayed present with the feelings, and allow them to guide me, my breathing adjusted automatically. I reached an important breathwork milestone – I was no longer breathing through my feelings, my feelings were breathing me. The more I payed attention to the feelings, the more they guided me and nurtured me back to wholeness.
So it’s official, Vivation is my thing! I can’t imagine not doing it after this. I find I naturally want to do it all the time – it feels too good to stop. I absolutely love it.
I’m exhausted – today was a very long day. Up at 7am, and now it’s past 1am. Luckily, we have the weekend off. I plan on spending it with husband and two daughters. We are planning on seeing the sites before they leave back for the UK on Sunday. I’m staying here another two weeks. Several more instructors are coming in to teach over the next couple of weeks. There will be classes on all types of holistic healing, and Vivation will play a central core role in all of it.
I just finished my second day of breathwork training here in Spain and it’s been fantastic! I’m learning a whole new type of breathwork called Vivation. It is the missing piece I have been looking for all these years. I am surprised I haven’t learned it before – it could have saved me years of time in my breathwork practice. Vivation is simply more elegant, more efficient, and more pleasurable than any other type of breathwork I’ve done before. We still have a couple of more days to learn it, but so far I am very impressed! In my last one hour sessions this afternoon I integrated more suppressed emotional material than in dozens of breathwork sessions. There is no need for going through the often intense and difficult experiences that other breathwork sessions take you through. With Vivation you can integrate all of these emotions while they are still subtle, because as the instructor told us, “it’s not the intensity of the feeling that needs to be experienced, but the details of the feeling.” Brilliant!
I’ll have more to say about this revolutionary type of breathwork in the next few days. So far I am really, really excited about the prospects of Vivation!