I am in a place of utter astonishment. All of my life I have had what I would call a baseline or default way of experiencing the world. Regardless of how good or bad I felt, the basic underlying reality of my experience stayed the same. This reality was the confines of what I believed reality to actually be. Not once, even for a second (except intellectually), did I really feel in my core that this reality was anything other than what it was. Even on my very best days, the world as I experienced it was basically the same. All of that changed yesterday…dramatically.
I was doing a a warm water Vivation session with one of my classmates. During this session I felt this all-consuming , overwhelming feeling of suffocation as if it was the end of “me”. And indeed that is precisely what happened! I experienced a complete ego death as my body collapsed into itself from the overwhelming pressure of the experience. It was so intense I had no choice but to surrender to it. And boy am I glad I did! As the experience unfolded I could feel this overwhelming heaviness and suffocation give way to a lightness of being that is indescribable and beyond any words I could possible imagine. I was flooded with tears as wave after wave of heaviness and pressure gave way to greater and greater feelings of lightness and freedom. This went on for about 5 minutes until I could feel myself pop . I got out of the water and layed down besides the hot pool. The heaviness was still very intense, but it felt so good to totally let go into it, and this heaviness became no more. I slowly got up and felt so light that I could just fly right off the ground. Yet I was TOTALLY GROUNDED. I felt completely connected to my body, to the earth, and felt there was absolutely nothing in the whole wide world that could possibly knock me off or effect me in any way. I felt totally free of so much pain. I had no idea I even had the pain in the first place! The pain has been me with so long that I simply assumed it was fundamental to reality itself. How wrong I was!
I feel fantastic beyond anything I ever imagined possible. There are simply no words to describe how I feel right now.
After a long discussion with my teacher he said that what I experienced was a total healing of my birth trauma. This makes sense, because how I feel now I have never felt in this lifetime. The change is so absolute, that it feels not as if I have changed, but the world itself – I have been reborn into an entirely new one. This is so reassuring on every level, and gives me such great hope that we as humanity can cure all of our pain. We can heal ourselves and our world. And Vivation is the key – I am sure of it now.